Category: Life

The New York Times reported on a 51-year-old man who died in the custody of the New York Police Department in January 2014 from apparently hanging himself with the cord from his coat. One may easily imagine the despair one might feel being held in a jail cell.  But without a suicide note one can only speculate what led to Edward Soto’s death. Still, the article gave some clues.

Police arrested Soto, who had a couple of previous arrests, for attempted burglary. But family members explained that Soto, who was living with his sister, had been acting erratic since his wife had died in March 2013. Soto and his wife Antoinette had been married seventeen years, and they had seven children. Family members explained that after his wife’s death, Soto talked of hurting himself.  They implied that perhaps his latest actions stemmed from his despair.

Allison Moorer’s “The Duel”

It is a tragic story about loss and how difficult it is to recover from losing someone so close, especially a spouse. One of the best songs about this bottomless feeling of sorrow is Allison Moorer‘s “The Duel,” the title track to the singer’s underrated 2004 album.

Moorer wrote “The Duel,” as well as the rest of the songs on the album, with her then husband, Doyle “Butch” Primm. Within a year of the album’s release, the two would divorce, so it is hard not to hear some of the dissolution of their marriage in the dark edges of the album.

The album was a surprise to reviewers who liked Moorer’s earlier more country sound. I understand those first impressions, but the album is deep, requiring repeated listenings to mine its jewels.

When I bought The Duel, I listened to it a few times before putting it away, unimpressed. But many months later, looking for a CD to play in the car, I picked it up again and began listening to it closely, as one does in a car. And I listened again and again, as the CD stayed in my car CD player for months. It was only after hearing the song “The Duel” several times that I eventually really understood what it was about.

In “The Duel,” the song begins with the singer standing in a cemetery as “a newborn atheist.” Eventually, the listener realizes the song is a conversation with God, and the singer is angry: “Even if you do exist / You’re far from almighty.”

By the end of the song, the singer explains that she does not know if she can go on. It is only in the song’s final line that we learn why the singer is so angry.

But one thing I’m sure of,
The King of Kings has lost his crown;
It’s buried here in marble town,
In the god forsaken ground,
With my only love.

Few songwriters are brave enough to go to such depths. And it is tragic that anyone like Mr. Soto has to face such unbearable heartbreak. We do not know if he had any conversations with God.  But we can feel great sympathy for a man facing such pain alone in a jail cell.

As for Moorer, I do not know to what extent she felt the feelings in the song as her marriage came apart, but part of me is happy that she has never come close to this dark masterpiece again.

What do you think is the most depressing song of all time? Leave your two cents in the comments.

(Some related Chimesfreedom posts.)